London meets Johanna and René

Some say…

After Siralan (”Don’t start telling me that you’re just like me, because no one’s like me, I’m unique.“) finally found his new apprentice, the BBC today brings back what is probably the best motor show in the entire galaxy. The boys (Jemery Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May) return for series 11 of TopGear and they have lots to show, again. The three will not only entertain us with cars like the Ferrari 430 Scuderia, the all new Alfa Romeo 8C, the Mercedes CLK Black Series and the Audi RS6, this time they are also going on fox hunting and start a war with Germany in Belgium! (This will be a challenge against the hosts of D Motor on DMAX (Sabine Schmitz and Tim Schrick).

For all of you not being able to receive BBC2, just have a close look on these two sites. All I am wondering about is why on earth we don’t have any motor show nearly as good as this. So keep watching!

And before you are wondering what the bloody hell the title has got to do with this entry keep reading…

This is about the most mysterious character of the show. It’s their anonymous tamed racing driver. Some say…

…that his face appears on high-value stamps in Sweden and that he’s afraid of bells.

…he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves and that he sleeps upside down like a bat.

…if you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts.

…his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight and that he is confused by stairs.

…he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp and long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist, pig-faced, waste of blood & organs.

…he once had a viscous knife fight with Anthea Turner and and that he was in no way involved with the cash for honours scandal, (followed by) Welcome Lord Stig!

…that he is a CIA experiment that went wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know he is not the Stig but he is the Stig’s American cousin.

…that if you lick his chest it tastes the same like piccalily and that on this week’s BritAwards he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand.

…he isn’t machine washable and that all his potted plants are called Steve.

…he sucks moisture from ducks and that his helmet was modelled on Britney Spears’ head.

…his ears aren’t exactly where you would expect them to be and once he, “preposterously”, had an affair with John Prescott.

…his genitals are on upside down and if he could be bothered, he could crack the DaVinci code in 43 seconds.

…on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake and for some reason, he’s allergic to the Dutch.

…the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring and that if he would given a really important job, he’ll skive off and play croquet.

…his first name really is “The” and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they’d all be pregnant, including the cameramen.

…his breath smells of magnesium and that he can catch fish with his tongue.
All we know is, he’s called the Stig

Or as Lee McQueen would say: “Vat’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

• René, um die Mittagszeit am 22.06.2008

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